


Falling out of everything

by OhhMyy



Series: Coming Back To Life. [28]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fights, Mild Language, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 07:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15480282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhhMyy/pseuds/OhhMyy
Summary: Fights, fleeing, seemingly unfixable endings.





	Falling out of everything

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my gosh I am so very sorry. I am a bad bad uploader. I've had an utter nightmare of a year, and I think this is the first time I've logged in let alone posted anything, in about 6 months at least. I'm hoping this makes up for it.

Charlie jolts awake at the sound of his whimpering, instantly on alert; glancing around the room to get her bearings. It takes her all of two seconds to realise where she is, turning to see him clenching his hands in the duvet, head thrashing from side to side as his moans grow louder. His legs kick out against the covers.

She scoots over, turning to face him and sitting up. She presses her palm to his shoulder, cold metal covered by a thin cotton shirt. She shakes the joint, gently at first but harder as he fails to stir.

“Bucky” Her voice is firm, loud enough to get through to him and rather than waking up his entire body goes still, tensing up as his muscles contract. She’s about to repeat his name when his metal arm shoots out, wrapping cold fingers tightly around her upper arm at lightning speed. She hisses as they dig in, tightening her grip on his arm half from pain and half an attempt to wake him. She can feel the muscles in her arm complaining, pressure against them creating a sharp pain as his metal fingers meet each other.

“James, wake up” He startles awake, wide, feral eyes calming as he snaps his head to her. His eyes glance to her arm, sees metal encasing flesh. He drops his fingers as if her arm is made of hot iron, flinching his arm backwards in an attempt to get it far away from her, his eyes are wide and frightened and he stares at his own hand as if it’s an enemy.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay” She speaks as if calming a rabid animal. She knows this is him; The Winter Soldier would have killed her in seconds, before she’d had a chance to breathe let alone soothe. The agony in his eyes tells her that much and she can’t even feel the bruise coming up on her arm past the sinking feeling in her gut.

He inhales a sharp breath, scooting back as far as he can to his side of the bed. She lets him keep still, refuses to move her gaze from his as his chest heaves.

“I’m sorry” He whispers, fierce and low as his eyes flick back and forth, searching hers for goodness knows what; anger, sadness, fear; he sees none of it, only empathy and worry, worry for him, the man who could have killed her without even knowing it.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, James. It was just a nightmare” She coos, waiting until his features lock into a singular emotion.

“I hurt you” He sounds like a little boy lost, so utterly confused and heartbroken that she has to choke back tears.

“I’ve had worse” she tries, wanting to lighten the atmosphere, reassure him she’s alright, it’s just a bruise and that she’s fine, he’s fine. She stands from the bed to show him, arms out, not a scratch and he clambers over the kingsize to stand with her. He never touches.

“Don’t do that” he grits “Don’t pretend it’s not a big deal because it’s not as bad as what _he_ did to you” He runs a hand through his hair “That doesn’t make it…it’s not okay”

“No, it’s not okay, but I am”

“I think you should leave, Charlie” He sighs, gesturing to the door.

“You don’t get to be happy when it’s all sunshine and flowers and piss on my feelings when it gets hard for you”

“Please Charlie just leave me alone. I’m dangerous”

“No. It’s bullshit Bucky, I live in a tower full of superheroes, my life isn’t safe, you’re being an idiot”

“It’s not working, this doesn’t…I’m not…It’s not working”

“You’re a coward Barnes, you can’t accept that I don’t want to leave, you just have to keep pushing, you’re afraid to let people love you”

“LEAVE” He screams and sees it; for the first time he sees it, the fear beneath her eyes that’s been missing. He backs away like he’s been slapped but she still stands her ground, his beautiful warrior, fierce and determined. He can see the flickering doubt behind her eyes but her expression is firm as steel, hands clenched by her sides as she faces him down.

“Don’t do this. You’ll regret it. You can’t take it back” For a moment he hesitates, he’s been so determined to keep her safe by letting her go that the finality of her words shouldn’t shake him, but they do, his intention was to lose her but…he’ll _lose_ her if he makes this choice. He glances from her face to her arm, sees the dark purple hand shaped bruise coming up

“I don’t want you anymore, we’re done” He grits, voice gone cold and hard. He watches as her eyes shut, slow and resigned and she takes a slow breath in, opening her eyes again to look at him. She lets out a singular, shaky breath as she looks into his eyes, steely determination suddenly replaced by the glistening tears she refuses to let spill over. She nods, a small and repeated action as her hands unclench. She knows he is lying, can see it as his eyes widen involuntarily in horror at his words but he doesn’t take them back.

“Okay” She smacks her lips together gently, taking one more shaky breath before turning slowly on her heels.

She’s right. He regrets it the moment she walks out of the door, click of the latch sounding like a slam. He falls backwards, ass hitting the edge of the bed as he folds in on himself. He lets out a guttural scream into his palms, bringing his feet up to rest on the metal frame, knees pulled to his chest, his head falls onto his knees and he cries. Ugly, agonised sobs wrack his body.

He knows he’s fucked up; doesn’t know any other way to keep her safe. He can’t imagine a single way in any world that he wouldn’t want her but the idea that she actually believes him, believes that somehow she isn’t good enough or loved enough or wanted enough is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to reconcile. She would have fought him to the ends of the earth on whether he was safe, spent their entire relationship telling him how much he mattered, how he wasn’t to blame, that he was loved and he used it against her, ending things by breaking the confidence he’d tried to instil in her, the love he had tried so hard to wrap her in flown out of the window by his stupid insistence that somehow she was to blame.

He heaves himself into the bathroom, landing with a heavy thud against the cold tile floor as he shoves his head above the toilet, retches and retches until he vomits, bile emptying from his stomach pushed past low painful howls. When he can’t throw up anymore he leans back against the white wall, knees back up to his chest as his sobbing stops. He stares blankly through the open bathroom door, to the ground she occupied not even an hour before. He thinks pointlessly that he wants to take it all back.

 

 

Charlie doesn’t head to her room, can’t bear to be greeted by the hint of cinnamon that lingers on her bed sheets. Her room is too homely, too comforting and part of her, a sick little part at the back of her head knows that he will overhear her crying if she goes back, she almost wants him to be worried. She wonders, distantly if this makes her a bad person, but in a moment of blinding clarity, out of character realism, a lifetime of having men mistreat her, she can only think one thing; that Bucky Barnes can go fuck himself.

Steve arrives back at the tower late, strategy meetings having made his head spin. He stops in his tracks in the living room, usually dark room lit up in an orange hue from the fireplace. He glances over to the couch, sigh escaping his slightly parted lips when he clocks Charlie, curled in a ball, tears dried on her face and hand fisted in the couch cushion by her face. He knows without thinking that Bucky will probably be doing the same.

“Damn it Buck” He mutters under his breath, running a hand through his blonde locks. He steps quietly over to the couch, pulling the blanket gently over her before turning out the fire.


End file.
